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posted ago by How_To_Freedom ago by How_To_Freedom +14 / -0

they offered you a choice,

"join us, get 200K a year, full benefits, indemnification, pretty much complete immunity from prosecution, AND your federal law enforcement officer so your NFA exempt, and your gonna be doing ALOT of red flag laws and no knock warrants, so if your gonna be a criminal, your going to be one for us."

OR

go to prison the rest of your life,

OR

get two in the back of the head and a shallow grave

what would you take?

Comments (20)
sorted by:
29
scruffyusp 29 points ago +29 / -0

I take the job, then I tell them I identify both as black and a woman.

No one comments on the shoe polish on my face and my pretty, pretty pink sundress.

As a diversity hire I am promoted. I quietly start running the entire agency in short time.

We stop enforcing the nfa and import ban.

Suddenly, atf vans show up at parties to distribute full auto sears and alcohol.

The atf goes from laughing stock and tyrants to the most requested party catering company in the US.

No dogs are harmed.

16
Win_user_654321 16 points ago +16 / -0

Fellow ATF agents, we must allow unrestricted access to auto-sears or our entire way of life will be threatened. Full auto is our strength.

7
scruffyusp 7 points ago +7 / -0

Well fuck, I'm sold. Pass me that shoe polish and the sunflower dress hanging next to my AK and giant stack of back issues of "Small Arms Monthly".

As a lesbian woman of color I'm running for national office.

There's so many political figures I want to call a faggot which I think black trans lesbians can get away with, I had best get started.

9
Nomoralcompass89 9 points ago +9 / -0

Genius.

4
How_To_Freedom [S] 4 points ago +4 / -0

outstanding, what a plan

4
Baron_Bubbles 4 points ago +4 / -0

If you can't beat 'em, join em, THEN BEAT THEM FROM THE INSIDE!!!

16
deleted 16 points ago +16 / -0
8
How_To_Freedom [S] 8 points ago +8 / -0

this is a NEW AND GLORIOUS copypasta if i have ever seen one.

6
KickingPugilist 6 points ago +6 / -0

Drilling holes while covered in aerosolized LSD 😆

6
AngeredKabar 6 points ago +6 / -0

You ever shoot a machine gun high on peyote?

7
KickingPugilist 7 points ago +7 / -0

Not yet, but my weekend is open.

6
NoneOfYourBusiness 6 points ago +6 / -0

Ok. That's 1 option. Let's hear from the rest of the group why they think they are here.

6
Freedomseeker12 6 points ago +6 / -0

Peak gunnit

5
scruffyusp 5 points ago +5 / -0

I laughed my ass off man. seriously. Couldn't tell anyone else what I was laughing at or I would get fired.

8
GeorgeFentanylFloyd 8 points ago +8 / -0

I will not fed post I will not fed post I will not fed post I will not fed post I will not fed post

7
AngeredKabar 7 points ago +7 / -0

You never take me alive, copper! Nyah!

5
TallestSkil 5 points ago +5 / -0

“Come and have a go if you think you’re good enough.”

2
Jan6Insurrectionist 2 points ago +2 / -0

Option 1 then just wuby widge anyone I don't like and call in sick the rest of the time

-2
Geralt_of_Rivia1 -2 points ago +2 / -4

ATF doesnt enforce red flag laws, and no knocks are for real criminals

7
King_Noob 7 points ago +7 / -0

How much do you love the boot?