I know I'm a retard for not buying it sooner but meth said we needed furniture instead of just sleeping on air mattress and eating on a towel. I was kinda digging the picnic vibe though.
Any good budget options for plate carriers and plates? Mag pouches would be good too.
Next time you go to the store for shit paper, taquitos, tampons, and Ten High 51% Bourbon 49% neutral commie spirits, just pick one that has a paper bag option, do self checkout, and sextuple bag all your shit. If anyone challenges you or gets uppity, just stare through them, furrow your brow, rip ass to assert dominance over the situation, clear your throat, mumble, and carry on like a true supermarket coinneuseuir. When you get home, you're going to need to waterproof them bitches. Wait until mom finishes her Pinot and Valium nightcap and calls her friend Demarcus to come fix her clogged sink. When the Valium kicks in and lets her muscles relax enough for ol' boy to fit that ninth inch in her, she'll start hitting those operatic falsetto notes in the bedroom - this is your cue to quit playing with your dick and sneak upstairs to steal all her good smelling candles that she saves for company. Melt those motherfuckers down and rub the wax all over your paper bags... make sure to rub it in multiple directions - the same strategy you use to mix things up when you're stroking your dick off to the same grainy porn video for the 90th time. After it all dries, whip out the duct tape and make yourself some shoulder straps. You can use some off-brand Koban/self-adhesive bandage or an ACE wrap for an elastic cummerbund. Voila bitch, you're hood rich as fuck. Go Kenosha kid some boyscout motherfuckers who wanna fuck around and find out.
Sweet tits I missed you fam.
Fuuuuuck, whats up my friend? Glad you're still around. The 'rona hit my area hot and heavy, I got busy as shit, and I neglected my obligations to the cause. You've been missed as well. I need to shit talk some of these butter-soft tenderfoots and give some terrible advice to impressionable individuals to get back in the swing of things.
Spoken like the classy autist you are!
Never forget to mount the flashlight backwards so you can see your rear sights.
I already fart and grumble through the store so this won't bat an eye.
No ace bandage, do you think the elastic of my undies would work? They're kinds loosey goosey right now so maybe if I double up it'll have enough springyness.
You could, but the blown out waistband from those mustard stained, cum soaked sweatpants you wear to the store so you can get a quick jack in mid-trip would work better... more comfortable, I'd imagine.
That could work. They're sentimental but I could always wear my cookie monster pajamas.
Ahhh, a man of distinction and taste, I see