I just wanted to shout out to the traitors from various three letter agencies that are spending Christmas here monitoring us.

Hi guys. You know who you are. We know you are there. We know you are watching. You aren't fooling anyone. You also aren't serving your country. You are terrible unamerican pieces of garbage.

Go ahead and tell yourselves that you are just doing your jobs. For those of you with families, the reality is that you are actually putting service to your masters ahead of commitment to even your own family. Why? So that you can watch a bunch of strangers who hate you wish each other a Merry Christmas? Way to be a hero.

Look, I know that this is a hard time emotionally for a lot of people. I know that betraying your fellow citizens is a stressful job. If you are reading this on Christmas things probably aren't going very well at home, right? You have probably even had some occasional thoughts of ending things?

Well, let me tell you, it's never going to get better for you. The world really would be better off without you. Your family would be better off with that fat government life insurance check, so please don't hesitate. Get that muzzle right up there in the soft palate and squeeze. Be a hero to your country -- give us the only thing you have to give. Deck the walls, as it were.

A Merry Christmas to all, and to the fed bois, good night.