Okay you screaming retards, here’s the thing. Everyone loves talking about minecraft but, whether you believe it’s from zombies, aliens, or certain Beijing-financed political cunts, most of us seem to be of the opinion that things are not improving for society on the hole.

With this in mind, I’ve decided to put my literary talents and general sexual Tyrannosaurusery to work for the benefit of the LGunnitBTQ+ community. In these discussions, should engagement warrant more, I’ll be attempting to cover some basic skills and accomplishments that we should all have. They will be long and require reading Gud. Buckle up.

Physical Fitness is as important as a pliable poop chute when it comes to the Gunnit life; you should all be able to do these things:

1. Run a mile in under 10 minutes. This isn’t as hard as it may sound, honestly. Just get your fat ass up and start walking, but faster. Do that for 5300 steps toe jumps and you’re good to. Seriously, running sucks but this is a pretty lenient schedule; improving the time and distance will only help you. When running, simulate your gear with vests and backpacks. All the cross-cuntry in the world don’t mean shit if you can’t play with the shiny things we spend all our tendie money on.

2. Deadlift your body weight. If you can’t, get stronger or less fatbody, but pick one and do it. It will help. Proper form is a must so you don’t fuck up your back, tards. Deadlifting is a foundational strength attribute that develops some of your most important muscle groups in tandem. Plus, meth will love the ass it gives you. Or gaybois, if that’s your thing. We’re all at least some kind of faggot here. Whatever the case, be able to do at least 5 good form at body weight.

3. Five pull-ups. And not just a pull-up, but a strong enough one to simulate mantling an edge. How do you plan on getting into abandoned malls if you can’t even hoist your fat ass over a balcony? Everyone knows old malls are rife with various types of tendies so they’ll be prime real estate for gathering.

4. Hike 5 encumbered miles. This one is also pretty important for simple travel. Load a good backpack (I.e. one with proper webbing and good weight distro) with 1/3 your weight and go walk but this time don’t stop for a good 5 miles. Uneven terrain is even better for building endurance. Afterward, you stamina will be improved and you’ll last even longer when your wife is in bed with bull.

5. Do 20 pushups. If you can’t, do one. Then nineteen more. Push-ups are as important as democracy and are the foundation of every retards physical fitness. A proper push-up goes like this: feet together, arms shoulder width apart and body in the front leaning rest position. Lower yourself in a controlled manner until your body is about an inch above the ground. Then, using your arms and keeping abdominals tight, push against the ground until you are returned to the front leaning rest position. Yell ‘1’ out loud. Repeat and yell ‘2’, then ‘3’, then ‘4’. You’re halfway to doing one full exercise. Repeat this but yell ‘I’ ‘Love’ ‘Marine’ ‘Corps’. Have some crayons as a snack/treat after. Most people like red but I think blue is tastiest.

Feel free to add, argue, or just call me a dumb faggot in the comments. Remember that guns and delicious food are the best things since sliced poosi. I’ll put up a drink recipe soon. Fuck you all.