Get that gay shit outta here, its now Independence Month. The month where we celebrate a bunch of slave owning white men decided they didn't want to be ruled by other slave owning white men so they fought against tyrannical overlords who tried to disarm their subjects with common sense gun control legislation.

Remember, this is nothing to celebrate given the PROBLEMATIC beliefs held at the time. YIKES, if you still celebrate the founding of a nation built on the idea that everyone should have a say in how the government works then there's a lot to unpack here.

Listen SWEATY, just because we have a constitution that enumerates our natural rights so that no one person or small group of people can hold power over an entire nation of people doesn't mean that you can just say whatever you want or own whatever guns you want.

OH YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD, you still believe that a document written 250 years ago is still valid today. That's a BIG OOF from me. You actually think the slave owning white men 250 years ago that had enough education, forethought, and experience to found a nation based on a set of democratic ideals who decided to codify what it means to be "by the people, of the people, and for the people" had any idea that things might change in the future?

OMG I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW. The fact that you think someone besides a current day leftist could fathom a day where the legacy a person leaves behind is looked upon with pride and deserves respect just proves you're a LITERAL NAZI.

CANCEL INDEPENDENCE DAY. Besides, parades become super spreader events and since the 4th of July is essentially meaningless nowadays, as I've proven with my faultless logic, no one is losing anything by not having a parade. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to dress up in a BDSM outfit, take my 3 year old transgender vegan child to a PRIDE parade so we can revel in our sexual deviance as we expose the next generation of leftists to what it means to be truly free from tyranny. Just don't try to disagree with me or raise your children in a different environment than I do because then you'd a BIGOT CISNAZI TRANSPHOBIC RACIST and I'd get you fired from your job.