Okay you fucking window lockers, Operation get the fuck out of Commie State was a success and I’m back to the regular world where guns don’t have to play mermaid or tranny surgery to make their actions pop open. Now that I’ve pulled a back muscle lugging my giant dick around all day, I find myself with enough time to try and continue educating the mouth breathing masses. Remember, if you’re going to be a fat, useless bitch please max out your credit cards so you’re at least a worthwhile loot cow.

Moving on.

I’ve heard a lot of you asking me about IFAKS or maybe I’ve finally reached the point where more than 6 hours asleep sends me into pink elephant land and the walls are talking to me again. They aren’t speaking Vietnamese but they do keep suggesting I order moo goo gai Pan ; I’m guessing the meth downloaded that clock noise app so I’ll probably be gone any day now. Before then, however, I’m gonna tell y’all the five biggest necessities for an IFAK so you can Gucci up your kit and some retard can come apply the shit to you all fucked up after you get yourself popped by the three letter soup bois.

Some quick notes beforehand so busy out your crayons and give me one to snack on. IFAKs are Individual First Aid Kits meant for you. Don’t use your fuckin IFAK on someone else, use theirs or let em die if they’re too goddamn dumb to have one of their own. This means you should customize shit to be used on you. If you’re a big fuckin boi, get an xl tourniquet and pack extra gauze motherfucker. Position the goddamn thing so you can reach it with either hand, too. Nothing dumber than dying because you put your fuckin Dora Band-aids on your ass end and can’t reach em while you’re leakin kool aid all over the fuckin floor.

1. Motherfucking. Chest. Seal. Will a plastic bag and duct tape do? Sure. And a fat hooker can pull a load out of you if need be but it ain’t my first or second choice. Get a goddamn chest seal so you’re aren’t sucking wind like the fuckin clarinet section that FOR SOME GODDAMN REASON meth wants to go watch at the local goddamn museum. ITS ADULTS PLAYING THE RECORDER GODDAMNIT WHY DOES THIS SHIT COST A HIPOINT PER TICKET

2. Tourniquet. And make sure you get the kind with a winding stick; you don’t wanna fucking compartment your shit and find out that rhabdomyolysis is even less fun to die from than it is to spell. If you need practice figuring out how a tourniquet works, try it on your neck.

3. Israeli Bandage. Unless you feel like using a hand to keep pressure on your new holes instead of fingerfuckin your raifu’s fun button. The Antisemites who seem to love hanging here are welcome to substitute cheese cloth and then go fuck themselves with a rake, though.

4. Pressure Bandages. Much like socks, beer, or ammo you’ll wanna pack more than you think you need. If you’re a big fat fuck, pack even more than that. Big bois bleed like stuck pigs so you’d better bring extra to the party or you’ll be makin like a vampire’s leftovers real fuckin quick.

5. This one is arguable but I’d recommend Quick Clot. You could go with an airway device, too, though; say a CPR mask or nasal tubing. Your call, but I’d stick with stuff that helps me keep as much of my blood as possible; the airway shit you can make do without until you can’t, and by then you’re fucked anyhow.

Okay that’s a lot of words and I’ve got a date with some moonshine and a deep, abiding hatred of Commies. Go fuck yourselves or something.

No more Commie bullshit

I’m a pewlygamist.

Discuss.

Based Cooking Uncle loves you all and blesses this group of faggots with delicious recipes and well-wishes for tendies and poosi. I, on the other hand, think the lot of you couldn't figure out which end of the dildo went in first if your wife's boyfriend wasn't showing you. But i suppose that, so long as you love guns and America, I'll continue to try and pass on the rambling rudimentary life skills in exchange for internet points and comment autism.

So, we've discussed fitness and nutrition; I reckon it's about time we took the next step and looked at what to do should disaster strike. Whether it's spraining your wrist on Meth Monday or getting perforated when some do-badder checks your back and you were too stingy to spring for two plates, I'm here to keep you on your feet and soaking boolits in my stead. And, before we start, we can cover what goes in an IFAK after I start believing some of you retards know how to spell it, much less use what goes in one.

Before we begin, let's address sterility and I don't mean that thing the doctor called your swimmers because you spent your childhood staring at the microwave. Individuallty wrapped bandages, Isopropyl at >40% concentration, or heat all do great for sterilizing stuff. Contrary to my father's baseball advice, rubbing some dirt in it doesn't heal shit so keep your fucking supplies clean. And don't use fire to clean a bandage, retard.

1. It seems prudent to start with the obvious: GSWs. Whether you popped yourself cleaning, LARPing, or ended up getting a no-knock on your door, bullets make holes in you and that needs a-dressing. First, the good news: if you get shot you'll probably be too dead to care about it. E=1/2mv^2 and all so, yknow, expect to be rushing headlong to meet whatever retard you pray to. I'll break this down into two categories: airway compromise (suckin chest) and tissue damage.

Airway compromise: you're gonna want to address that since, yknow, breathing is important and all. Impermeable plastic is the way to go: you can slap something as simple as a fuckin sandwich bag over it so long as you hit a proper seal. Make sure to get that exit wound, if applicable. Unless you're the one who got shot and, again, refer to the dead part. Now, here's the important thing: tension pneumothorax. If blood is collecting in the lungs it's gonna be tough to breathe and takes more than a fuckin band-aid. Inserting a tube into the lung at the third intercostal space (count ribs below the collarbone and move an inch away from the sternum towards the nipple) will alleviate this. Look up how to do this shit; you don't have a lot of time to diagnose and act on it and makes people deader than Courtney Love's boyfriendvictim.

Tissue Damage: here's the scoop and I'm gonna tell it to ya. If that bullet kissed an artery then you're fuckin dead. You've got about five seconds to pop a tourniquet on that sumbitch and don't forget to twist the stick before you tie off. If it didn't you're still gonna bleed like a sumbitch and it won't be the awe part of the phrase you'll be going into. CONTROL. THE. BLEEDING. Pressure dressings are great and it's the first word that is the most important. Put pressure on, keep pressure on. If the bandage soaks through with blood DO NOT remove it, just add more on top and reapply that pressure.

2. Lacerations, Punctures, and other sharp force traumas: lol just look at the tissue damage section I aint fuckin re-typing that. One thing, though: if you have an object imbedded in you like, say, an arrow from your retard hunting buddy, don't pull it out. It's either gonna cause more damage on the way out or it might be occluding the vessel that's gonna empty your fluids all over the deck. Stabilize it with bandages around the thing and get to a sawbones.

3. Training Injuries. I'll break this down retard style in three categories: environmental, breaks, and sprains/strains/tears.

Environmental: too much or too little heat, really. In either case, stay fuckin hydrated. For heat exposure you need to get out of the fuckin sun, drink fluids slowly, and try to get some fuckin air moving over you. Don't take an ice bath or the shock will likely make you shit your pants. Unless thats your thing, in which case have at it. For cold, you're looking at hypothermia and frost bite. Get away from any water or wind, get under something to help your heat retention, and try no too warm up too much too fast. For fires, try to put them near a corner and then get in it to have that nice heat bounce all over you. Frostbite injuries need to be kept dry and covered until they can be assessed.

Breaks: Stabilize the affected limb. For arms, use a triangle bandage and secure that sumbitch to your body after splinting. Two solid sticks on either side of the break lashed together and then wrapped up is about the best you can do on short notice. For legs, splint it up and get yourself a good walkin stick bud. If both legs are broken, eat a bullet because nobody loves you enough to wipe your ass.

Sprains, etc.: RICE motherfucker. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. Keep off it, keep it cold, keep it wrapped, and put a damn pillow under the thing. For muscle tears, just the RIC parts, as applicable. Don't put ice directly on anything, either, stupid. Wrap that shit up in cloth to avoid freeze injury. A bag of frozen peas in a kitchen towel works wonders.

Okay, I need more paint thinner and lemonade and, honestly, I doubt any of you retards even got this far. Remember to buy more gucci gear so I can loot it off your useless corpse. Stay drunk faggots.

Go to the atfhq Instagram and just read the comments. Any of them, really, but definitely the ‘remember Waco’ post from today.

Okay retards, here’s the deal: exercise in only half the battle to being the glorious Viking/samurai/Spartan/sheepdog/whatever gay-ass shit you idolize. Maybe it’s even only 25% because, honestly, the biggest issue is diet. You can lift all the weights in the world but if y’a eat like shit you’re not gonna see fuck-all in results.

No, diet is not just shoveling whatever deep-fried salt-laden bullshit mummy brings down when you scream at her from your basement larpground. I’m here to give you my thoroughly unqualified, entirely anecdotal (it means personal experience, mouthbreathers) directions.

1. Calories in vs out. Weight management is math, retards. You intake caloric energy, process it, and then spend it on your somatic and autonomic nervous processes. You’re gonna want to figure out your RMR and use that to set a baseline caloric regimen for your day (3K is what the Commie faggots in government recommend). From there, it’s all about covering that plus whatever your exercise expenditure is. Yes, jacking it to porn/feet/guns/trannies counts as exercise, kind of. If you want to drop some pounds, try eating at about 500 less than you expend. It’s a good start; 1000 isn’t hard but there’s no need to rush. Use the lube of time to slide right in comfortably.

2. Macros. As in the opposite of micro, like your peen. Macros comprise three categories: fats, carbs, and protein. Yes, tendies do straddle all three categories with a decent balance but it’s BAD FAT. Think of fat like this, avocado is good fat, like meth ass and tiddies. Bacon is bad fat, like that show involving 600lb landwhales showcasing the moral failure of their obesity. Macros are personal to the person and goal but a good rule of thumb for the average male trying to cut weight and maintain/increase muscle is 40 protein, 30 fat/carb. Adjust as needed; ladies should usually run 40 fat and 30/30

3. Vitamins/minerals/fiber. These probably don’t belong in the same category, like loading my favorite caliber into a 556 barrel but I’m the author here so shut the fuck up. Vitamins are easy, just eat some Multis every morning. Minerals less so, try to incorporate spinach into as much as you possibly can. Seriously, it’s damn near flavorless when cut up and cooked so throw fresh baby spinach into soups, chili, burger patties, eggs, fucking anything. The extra iron will do you good and it’s a little fiber to boot. Beans will also help with protein, fat, and fiber. And if you don’t like beans you can move to another country, ladyboi.

4. Nutrition labels. Fucking read them; it isn’t hard to do it and the internet will tell you everything you need to know about them. Avoid trans fats, check the macro balances, and stay the actual fuck away from high sodium content and things like high fructose corn syrup. If you can build a goddamn Stoner-blessed rifle out of internet parts then you can read a label. While we’re on the subject: organic is fucking retarded. Don’t pay extra for it unless you want to proudly announce how clinically stupid you are.

5. Alcohol. It’s awesome and I have nothing negative to say about it. Mixers, on the other hand, are stupid and gay. If you like booze, drink booze. But quit cutting it with goddamn soda and fruit juice, which is worse for you than the actual fucking booze. You’d be amazed how clean and easy a vodka-soda-lime, with or without a hint of simple syrup, can actually be. Whiskey is great with a squeeze of lemon or orange.

There’s a lot here, honestly, and no way I can cover it all but these tips, in conjunction with Pt. 1, should get you faggots on your feet and moving. As before, add/subtract/argue you dumb homos.

Okay you screaming retards, here’s the thing. Everyone loves talking about minecraft but, whether you believe it’s from zombies, aliens, or certain Beijing-financed political cunts, most of us seem to be of the opinion that things are not improving for society on the hole.

With this in mind, I’ve decided to put my literary talents and general sexual Tyrannosaurusery to work for the benefit of the LGunnitBTQ+ community. In these discussions, should engagement warrant more, I’ll be attempting to cover some basic skills and accomplishments that we should all have. They will be long and require reading Gud. Buckle up.

Physical Fitness is as important as a pliable poop chute when it comes to the Gunnit life; you should all be able to do these things:

1. Run a mile in under 10 minutes. This isn’t as hard as it may sound, honestly. Just get your fat ass up and start walking, but faster. Do that for 5300 steps toe jumps and you’re good to. Seriously, running sucks but this is a pretty lenient schedule; improving the time and distance will only help you. When running, simulate your gear with vests and backpacks. All the cross-cuntry in the world don’t mean shit if you can’t play with the shiny things we spend all our tendie money on.

2. Deadlift your body weight. If you can’t, get stronger or less fatbody, but pick one and do it. It will help. Proper form is a must so you don’t fuck up your back, tards. Deadlifting is a foundational strength attribute that develops some of your most important muscle groups in tandem. Plus, meth will love the ass it gives you. Or gaybois, if that’s your thing. We’re all at least some kind of faggot here. Whatever the case, be able to do at least 5 good form at body weight.

3. Five pull-ups. And not just a pull-up, but a strong enough one to simulate mantling an edge. How do you plan on getting into abandoned malls if you can’t even hoist your fat ass over a balcony? Everyone knows old malls are rife with various types of tendies so they’ll be prime real estate for gathering.

4. Hike 5 encumbered miles. This one is also pretty important for simple travel. Load a good backpack (I.e. one with proper webbing and good weight distro) with 1/3 your weight and go walk but this time don’t stop for a good 5 miles. Uneven terrain is even better for building endurance. Afterward, you stamina will be improved and you’ll last even longer when your wife is in bed with bull.

5. Do 20 pushups. If you can’t, do one. Then nineteen more. Push-ups are as important as democracy and are the foundation of every retards physical fitness. A proper push-up goes like this: feet together, arms shoulder width apart and body in the front leaning rest position. Lower yourself in a controlled manner until your body is about an inch above the ground. Then, using your arms and keeping abdominals tight, push against the ground until you are returned to the front leaning rest position. Yell ‘1’ out loud. Repeat and yell ‘2’, then ‘3’, then ‘4’. You’re halfway to doing one full exercise. Repeat this but yell ‘I’ ‘Love’ ‘Marine’ ‘Corps’. Have some crayons as a snack/treat after. Most people like red but I think blue is tastiest.

Feel free to add, argue, or just call me a dumb faggot in the comments. Remember that guns and delicious food are the best things since sliced poosi. I’ll put up a drink recipe soon. Fuck you all.

The rules are simple: we pair bourbons (american made, white oak, fresh bbl) to gats that most closely resemble them in terms of taste and aesthetic. u/ScruffyUSP will have the final say on gud or fgt pairing

I’ll go first: Tin Cup and Glock

It’s a little esoteric but you see it everywhere. Tastes reasonably smooth enough to appeal to a wide range of palettes but also gets the job done. Wouldn’t be surprised to run across either in most bars or back alleys. Reasonably priced.