Next time you go to the store for shit paper, taquitos, tampons, and Ten High 51% Bourbon 49% neutral commie spirits, just pick one that has a paper bag option, do self checkout, and sextuple bag all your shit. If anyone challenges you or gets uppity, just stare through them, furrow your brow, rip ass to assert dominance over the situation, clear your throat, mumble, and carry on like a true supermarket coinneuseuir. When you get home, you're going to need to waterproof them bitches. Wait until mom finishes her Pinot and Valium nightcap and calls her friend Demarcus to come fix her clogged sink. When the Valium kicks in and lets her muscles relax enough for ol' boy to fit that ninth inch in her, she'll start hitting those operatic falsetto notes in the bedroom - this is your cue to quit playing with your dick and sneak upstairs to steal all her good smelling candles that she saves for company. Melt those motherfuckers down and rub the wax all over your paper bags... make sure to rub it in multiple directions - the same strategy you use to mix things up when you're stroking your dick off to the same grainy porn video for the 90th time. After it all dries, whip out the duct tape and make yourself some shoulder straps. You can use some off-brand Koban/self-adhesive bandage or an ACE wrap for an elastic cummerbund. Voila bitch, you're hood rich as fuck. Go Kenosha kid some boyscout motherfuckers who wanna fuck around and find out.