It's in the hidden basement with the gasoline/styrofoam napalm and the KNO3 stump remover/fuel oil explosive mixture. Gotta light it at juuuuussst the right moment... preferably remotely from half a mile away.

Speaking of bbq, let’s get a nice rack of pork spare ribs going.

I’d say low and slow is always your best bet so you’re gonna wanna charcoal these babies unless you intend to use propane tanks for other, more fun, things in time of emergency. But then you’d still need charcoal because the cooking must go on.

First off, you’re gonna want to let your ribs get to room temperature while you make your sauce out of several easily obtained ingredients since we live in a nation that practices the glory of capitalism. It turns out that Commie faggots can’t have hoisin sauce and you’re gonna need it, garlic powder, paprika, instant coffee, salt, and fresh ground pepper.

FRESH ground pepper. Grind it with a gun in every pocket of the Daisy dukes you’re wearing. Remember to drink your sixth beer while you do so. Not on your sixth beer? What the fuck have you been doing.

Slather those ribs liberally in sauce. Not, like, in the dick sucking Antifa liberal way where you just whine about shit and then break someone else’s stuff, liberal in the way that I slather your mom before givin her a one way ticket on the D Train to pound town. Oftentimes while doing so I think about how much abuse an AK can take. She can’t take near that much and it’s why I’ll never love her.

Wrap the ribs up in aluminum foil and make yourself a hat while you’re at it. That grill should be somewhere in the high 200s if you’re fancy and have a thermometer or too hot to stick your dick in if you’re my kind of autist. Leave the ribs on and go jerk it to HK manuals while you finish your fourteenth beer. When the whole pack gets to about 165F internally, or again too hot for the tip of your little patriot, unwrap them.

You’re gonna want to re-sauce them and throw them back on the grill for another ten or so minutes. Resist the urge to use CLP. Drink your twenty-third beer. Pull them suckers off, plate them, and chow down.

Think about what a moral failure communism is. Uncle Scruffy taught me that the AK47 is the only thing communism ever produced that works, including communism. Eat the whole rack of ribs. Fingerfuck your cheapest gun or meth with saucy fingers. Life is good.