I think we really understand each other.

What you’re gonna want to do is get a good, solid-bottomed rocks glass. Grab yourself a blood orange and cut a thick slice out of the peel, then char the shit out of with an acetylene torch. If you don’t have one, get one; they’re great for removing rusted bolts and lighting dynamite fuses. Once that peel’s oils are all a-smoky, flip that glass over on top of it.

Grab that blood orange and squeeze a quarter of it into a shaker. Squeeze it like you’re trying to bleed sense from a Commie. Think about how much fun it is to shoot guns. Take a shot of something cheap and then go yard pop a few rounds.

Toss about three fingers of the most expensive bourbon you’ve got over the juice. Add a teaspoon of maple syrup and a solid shake of angostura bitters atop that. Stir well with a spoon.

Sometimes, when I think about the ak47, I wonder if it wasn’t inspired by the people of communist Russia. Plentiful, Hardy, used to abuse, and disposable in the eyes of the government. Eat a piece of bread and laugh about bread lines. Take another cheap shot.

Flip that nice, smoky glass back over and transfer your shaker into it, first putting a solid chunk of ice in there to pour it over. Just one, though, done water it down like the logic of some kind of faggot trying to explain grabbing.

Enjoy as many of these as can while thinking about how great guns are. If meth is nearby, ask her nicely to see her poosi. Fuck I love guns and vagina.