Gold plate/tigerstripe that bitch, put on stone chaps, and there isn't a whole lot that could make the two of you more homosexual.
How stretchy is your sphincter?
Cardboard and a sharpie can be scienced into whatever you need.
Anytime you're feeling angry or tense, remember that the ridges on an AR bolt carrier can leave you breathless and pull out all your tension when properly applied to the anal sphincter.
Good camouflage option in the snow.
Chunky at minimum
Don't be a gearfag.
Up to this point the highest kill count in our civil war was pulled by a teenager with a iron sight bushmaster and not even 1 spare mag.
Soak them in ethanol for a day and they will become more pliable and as a bonus, fire retardant.