4
HighwayMike 4 points ago +4 / -0

It's in the hidden basement with the gasoline/styrofoam napalm and the KNO3 stump remover/fuel oil explosive mixture. Gotta light it at juuuuussst the right moment... preferably remotely from half a mile away.

5
HighwayMike 5 points ago +5 / -0

I did this laying in bed with a solid buzz in about 20 minutes. I once wrote an entire Nutnfancy fanfic where he iced a team of terrorists in Afghanistan. It took three full Reddit comments to contain it. You can probably still see it if you search Reddit for my username... same one here as there.

13
HighwayMike 13 points ago +13 / -0

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
Everyone was working,
Even my spouse.

The barbed wire was strung
By the chimney with care,
In hopes that the goons
Soon would breach there.

The children were nestled. To ambush the feds,
While visions of carnage
Danced in their heads.

And mama in her shemagh,
And I my boonie hat,
Had just settled in,
All prepared to clap.

When out on the lawn,
There arose such a clatter!
I sprang my my bunker,
To see what was the matter.

Away to the window. I flew like a flash,
Charged my 249. And got ready to smash.

The moon on the breast
Of the new fallen snow
Gave lustre of midday
To the objects below.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But a big Humvee and eight tiny fed queers.

The little old driver,
So lithe and so quick,
I knew in a moment:
He loves to suck dick.

More rapid than eagles,
My backup then came.
I whistled, then signaled,
And mustered them by name.

Now Michael! Now Trevor!
Now Bryan, go get them!
On Clayton! On Steven!
On Connor! Now shoot them!

To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now fire away! Fire away!
Fire away all!

As leaves that before
The wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle,
Mount to the sky;

So up to the rooftops,
My hoodrats they flew,
With packs full of guns,
Grenades, and meth, too.

And then, in a twinkling,
I heard from the roof,
The clatter of brass,
With gunsmoke as proof.

As I drew my own gun,
I focused on the sound.
'Twas bodies all dropping,
With each fired round.

They sprang towards the truck
Away with a whistle.
What they never saw coming,
Was our hidden TOW missle.

I heard them exclaim,
Before they drove out of sight,

  • Nah. I'm just kidding.
    None survived the fight.
6
HighwayMike 6 points ago +6 / -0

I really worry about smaller companies like yourself as well as all companies without major DOD contracts. I don't know if people like PSA and such do subcontracting for other manufacturers and such, but I'd imagine all people who aren't linked into the military-industrial or law enforcement side of things are sweating the most.

Edit: It'd be nice if some of the big companies put their foot down and inconvenienced the federal government/LE crowd by refusing services and such when necessary to help protect the public from 2A infringement... but money talks, I guess.

9
HighwayMike 9 points ago +9 / -0

Was this not all of us BEFORE the election and pandemic?

9
HighwayMike 9 points ago +11 / -2

Big brain conspiracy: Jo was a plant by the democrats to split some of the republican vote. Her campaign funds were supplied by Soros through a series of shell companies and anonymous donors that he secretly employs.

Bo Jiden has a photo of her hidden inside the lid of his toilet tank so he can secretly beat his flaccid dick while he shits and chokes himself. "Yeah, split up that conservative voter base you dirty bitch. Thats right you slut. Takes those votes. Fucking take them like a filthy cunt. God, you're so nasty. You like that, bitch? Fuck yes you do..."

6
HighwayMike 6 points ago +6 / -0

Fuuuuuck, whats up my friend? Glad you're still around. The 'rona hit my area hot and heavy, I got busy as shit, and I neglected my obligations to the cause. You've been missed as well. I need to shit talk some of these butter-soft tenderfoots and give some terrible advice to impressionable individuals to get back in the swing of things.

4
HighwayMike 4 points ago +4 / -0

Ahhh, a man of distinction and taste, I see

2
HighwayMike 2 points ago +2 / -0

You could, but the blown out waistband from those mustard stained, cum soaked sweatpants you wear to the store so you can get a quick jack in mid-trip would work better... more comfortable, I'd imagine.

22
HighwayMike 22 points ago +22 / -0

Next time you go to the store for shit paper, taquitos, tampons, and Ten High 51% Bourbon 49% neutral commie spirits, just pick one that has a paper bag option, do self checkout, and sextuple bag all your shit. If anyone challenges you or gets uppity, just stare through them, furrow your brow, rip ass to assert dominance over the situation, clear your throat, mumble, and carry on like a true supermarket coinneuseuir. When you get home, you're going to need to waterproof them bitches. Wait until mom finishes her Pinot and Valium nightcap and calls her friend Demarcus to come fix her clogged sink. When the Valium kicks in and lets her muscles relax enough for ol' boy to fit that ninth inch in her, she'll start hitting those operatic falsetto notes in the bedroom - this is your cue to quit playing with your dick and sneak upstairs to steal all her good smelling candles that she saves for company. Melt those motherfuckers down and rub the wax all over your paper bags... make sure to rub it in multiple directions - the same strategy you use to mix things up when you're stroking your dick off to the same grainy porn video for the 90th time. After it all dries, whip out the duct tape and make yourself some shoulder straps. You can use some off-brand Koban/self-adhesive bandage or an ACE wrap for an elastic cummerbund. Voila bitch, you're hood rich as fuck. Go Kenosha kid some boyscout motherfuckers who wanna fuck around and find out.

3
HighwayMike 3 points ago +3 / -0

If you can't beat this charge in Missouri, you've got a terrible legal team. Of course, I never thought I'd see the day that I would see this charge thrown in Missouri. It's a byproduct of living in a cucked area of the state.

3
HighwayMike 3 points ago +4 / -1

Fuck your farts and your fucking soft-ass pussy nose that can't even handle your own sewage stank... what happened with the AK and the dudes holding up the store? You started that story all Charles Bronson and ended that story all James Charles

4
HighwayMike 4 points ago +4 / -0

I can find some honkies in trailers living in the boonies with rain barrels attached to their roofs who had their privilege check bounce.

3
HighwayMike 3 points ago +3 / -0

These dudes are wearing fanny packs and popping off in the streets when the cops dindu nuffin' to help them, but Ken and Karen can't hold an A2 clone and a prop gun on their own front lawn without catching a charge. Is this the white privilege of which they speak?

3
HighwayMike 3 points ago +3 / -0

in the shower

Look at Dr. Moneybags over here with running water and a shower.

1
HighwayMike 1 point ago +1 / -0
  • Gucci upper
  • Stendo
  • Compensator
  • P80 frame
  • Olight
  • .40 S&W

About par for the course. You got a rack full of hardballs in that mag?

4
HighwayMike 4 points ago +4 / -0

It's a meatghetti maker disguised as an AK... basically it turns the sausages back into potted meat and forms it into meat noodles. You load the Vienna sausages in the drum and manually cycle the action repeatedly to cram those meaty lumps into the barrel until you get a thick rope of processed meat coming out the muzzle brake. It works better if you have some meth on her knees while she suckles on the muzzle end. Bonus points if you rig up a gimp mask to interface with the barrel threads and turn it into a sex game.

... in all seriousness though, when are we gonna see Taofledermaus load up some Viennas or Oscars Mayer weenies into some shotshells?

7
HighwayMike 7 points ago +7 / -0

Huh, you may have sold me on a bidet. I wanted one to help improve my hydration status and to make me feel like I was letting a puppy dog lick Skippy peanut butter off my asshole without having to hire another lawyer and face jail time.

4
HighwayMike 4 points ago +4 / -0

If your meth isn't stretched put enough to take a whole A2 birdcage, you're either smol as fuck or you haven't been putting in the time to help her fit more equipment in her front zap.

... probably both.

8
HighwayMike 8 points ago +8 / -0

How many shelves full of ass paper do you have, you hoarding motherfucker?

5
HighwayMike 5 points ago +5 / -0

It's not fully automatic and it only holds 10 rounds of bullets, so I think the children are safe.

3
HighwayMike 3 points ago +3 / -0

My only issue is that this was posted in one of the limp dick pretend subs that sprung up on Reddit. My ultimate fear is this being another social media crosspost sub.

12
HighwayMike 12 points ago +12 / -0

That whole street is going to need antibiotics for sure.

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