3
Probably-Pooping 3 points ago +3 / -0

For a brief moment, I thought I had posted this.

We’re like twins.

1
Probably-Pooping 1 point ago +1 / -0

Indeed. I poop pistols. That bulge in my pants isn’t flesh. Instead it’s steel and lead.

I’m at a 9mm right now. Slowly building up to concealing a 50AE. Wish me luck.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Based baby. Got to start them young.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Bodyguard? Man up and go for a full-frame pistol. You can do it. I believe in you.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Fake post. You cannot take a topless selfie with a gas mask, skirt and wheel gun and somehow not have a raging erection.

5
Probably-Pooping 5 points ago +5 / -0

Depends on if I’m using crayons or colored pencils. Crayons are too damn tasty to hold for long.

3
Probably-Pooping 3 points ago +3 / -0

Zap carry is best carry. Prison pockets for the win.

1
Probably-Pooping 1 point ago +1 / -0

Fill it with sex toys. The more absurd the better.

Make it so that when they do open the safe they will wish they had not.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Sigs and Glocks both suck.

Sigs feel nice, but they’ll shoot your dick off. I like my dick, I want to keep my dick.

Glocks are safe and effective (for real though), but they feel like ass. Like a wildly hairy gay man’s ass. I want no part of that.

CZs are where it’s at. They’re like those fine Eastern European smoke shows you see walking down the Victoria Secret runway in the 90s. They’re just expensive (worth it).

Walthers are cool, like James Bond. Chicks dig James Bond.

Smith and Wessons are like that sweet, busty American farm girl. She will suck you off and then bake you a pie. Truly the perfect package.

Rugers are like an older farm mom. She might not be as fun and adventurous as S&W, but damn she’s reliable and awesome.

Springfield simply doesn’t exist in my world.

Imagine if Hunter Biden wasn’t the president’s son and had to actually work for a living. He’d probably run an operation like Kel-Tec. Don’t do drugs kids.

I’m too poor to afford HK, so fuck em.

I’m too poor for FN, so fuck em.

I’m not poor enough to buy Taurus or Hi-Point, so fuck them too.

If I missed any, well then they’re not important enough to matter (cough Canik).

3
Probably-Pooping 3 points ago +3 / -0

Mmm, I see you’re a fellow man of great tastes.

I too hate commies and carry an M&P.

1
Probably-Pooping 1 point ago +1 / -0

It’s not fat, it’s a sign of prosperity.

Look at me ladies. I can still afford a lot of food even in this economy.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

What’s the ideal ride height and cant for drawing around my fupa?

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Conceal. Conceal, my brother. What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.

Unless you have a tendency to poop at the office a lot. Eventually a dumbass leftist will see your handgun in your pants under the bathroom stall. (Why are bathroom stalls built that way?). Then they’ll tell mommy, and you’ll be asked to leave.

What I’m trying to say is - conceal your weapon, and don’t shit where you work.

6
Probably-Pooping 6 points ago +6 / -0

Bwahahahahah!! Holy shit!! It’s been a while since someone posted a pussy pic on a Monday round here…

It’s not the meth we want, but it’s the meth we deserve.

7
Probably-Pooping 7 points ago +7 / -0

The encryption stuff sounds great until I remember I don’t have any friends…

5
Probably-Pooping 5 points ago +5 / -0

You’re not the boss of me!!

Also,

How you doin’, babe?

1
Probably-Pooping 1 point ago +1 / -0

You tend to get what you pay for. They’ve cut a lot of corners to get the price that low.

9
Probably-Pooping 9 points ago +9 / -0

Like that annoying kid in school that would always change the rules of games when he was losing, then rub it in your face when he wins the new way.

Even though you’d like to kick the shit out of that kid, you can’t because his daddy is the school principal.

Fuck you Jerem-… I mean ATF goons.

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

So you’re saying I don’t need to carry a 9mm anymore? Hmm…

2
Probably-Pooping 2 points ago +2 / -0

Basically, yeah.

It also works as a natural laxative and sleep aid.

3
Probably-Pooping 3 points ago +3 / -0

Ya know, I think something is wrong with me - I literally cannot vomit. I can’t burp either.

I’m kinda jealous of everyone else that can. I always just get a horrible case of the ‘oh my goodness, my insides are going to explode and I’m going to die’ diarrhea.

I’m convinced one of these days I’m going to shit out my own intestines. In my last dying moments, I will look like I have grown a tail with my insides dangling on the outside.

3
Probably-Pooping 3 points ago +3 / -0

I’ve moved on to drinking Ayahuasca. You can drink it on the shitter. In fact, that is the best place to drink it.

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