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Depends on if I’m using crayons or colored pencils. Crayons are too damn tasty to hold for long.
Zap carry is best carry. Prison pockets for the win.
Fill it with sex toys. The more absurd the better.
Make it so that when they do open the safe they will wish they had not.
I could get behind that. I miss this place.
Sigs and Glocks both suck.
Sigs feel nice, but they’ll shoot your dick off. I like my dick, I want to keep my dick.
Glocks are safe and effective (for real though), but they feel like ass. Like a wildly hairy gay man’s ass. I want no part of that.
CZs are where it’s at. They’re like those fine Eastern European smoke shows you see walking down the Victoria Secret runway in the 90s. They’re just expensive (worth it).
Walthers are cool, like James Bond. Chicks dig James Bond.
Smith and Wessons are like that sweet, busty American farm girl. She will suck you off and then bake you a pie. Truly the perfect package.
Rugers are like an older farm mom. She might not be as fun and adventurous as S&W, but damn she’s reliable and awesome.
Springfield simply doesn’t exist in my world.
Imagine if Hunter Biden wasn’t the president’s son and had to actually work for a living. He’d probably run an operation like Kel-Tec. Don’t do drugs kids.
I’m too poor to afford HK, so fuck em.
I’m too poor for FN, so fuck em.
I’m not poor enough to buy Taurus or Hi-Point, so fuck them too.
If I missed any, well then they’re not important enough to matter (cough Canik).
Mmm, I see you’re a fellow man of great tastes.
I too hate commies and carry an M&P.
It’s not fat, it’s a sign of prosperity.
Look at me ladies. I can still afford a lot of food even in this economy.
What’s the ideal ride height and cant for drawing around my fupa?
Conceal. Conceal, my brother. What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.
Unless you have a tendency to poop at the office a lot. Eventually a dumbass leftist will see your handgun in your pants under the bathroom stall. (Why are bathroom stalls built that way?). Then they’ll tell mommy, and you’ll be asked to leave.
What I’m trying to say is - conceal your weapon, and don’t shit where you work.
Bwahahahahah!! Holy shit!! It’s been a while since someone posted a pussy pic on a Monday round here…
It’s not the meth we want, but it’s the meth we deserve.
The encryption stuff sounds great until I remember I don’t have any friends…
You’re not the boss of me!!
How you doin’, babe?
You tend to get what you pay for. They’ve cut a lot of corners to get the price that low.
Dogs are God’s gift to man. We don’t deserve them.
Like that annoying kid in school that would always change the rules of games when he was losing, then rub it in your face when he wins the new way.
Even though you’d like to kick the shit out of that kid, you can’t because his daddy is the school principal.
Fuck you Jerem-… I mean ATF goons.
So you’re saying I don’t need to carry a 9mm anymore? Hmm…
It also works as a natural laxative and sleep aid.
Ya know, I think something is wrong with me - I literally cannot vomit. I can’t burp either.
I’m kinda jealous of everyone else that can. I always just get a horrible case of the ‘oh my goodness, my insides are going to explode and I’m going to die’ diarrhea.
I’m convinced one of these days I’m going to shit out my own intestines. In my last dying moments, I will look like I have grown a tail with my insides dangling on the outside.
I’ve moved on to drinking Ayahuasca. You can drink it on the shitter. In fact, that is the best place to drink it.
Exquisite. This is art. Such a unique and beautiful amalgamation of flavors from aristocratic, bourgeoisie, and proletariat classes.
A symbol of unity, and peace through strength. A reminder that no matter who we are, we can all break bread and mag dump into trash together.
This is deserving of a Michelin Star of Gunnit cuisine. Chef’s kiss.
Oh cool! I was wondering when I would finally get an invite to a super secret club where we talk about our desires to kidnap a governor with other likeminded individuals.
Fuck off with that shit, Fed. I’m just here for pictures of feet. Show me your toenails or GTFO.
I’m insulted that you think I’m so poor I have to print my own guns.
I can afford to buy things in a store.
Granted, that store is Palmetto State Armory, but still…
This post inspires me to sing a song:
“OP the red-nosed fedboi, makes some very spicy posts.
And if you ever saw them, you might even say ‘they glow’.
All of the non-crayon-eaters, read his posts and call OP names.
They know better than to let some fedboi know about their reindeer games.”
The moon is made out of cheese.
Nestled deeply in a limburger crater on the far side of the moon is a nazi base. You see, when the war was coming to an end many nazi scientists escaped to the moon to avoid punishment.
Wernher Van Braun wasn’t strictly inventing rockets for the US Military. No, he was trying to secretly bring his friends and family home. But there was a problem - Germans love Limburger cheese more than life itself.
Six American missions were successful in landing men on the moon (in seven attempts). All seven missions made contact with the Limburger base. None were successful in convincing the Germans to return. Apollo 13 refused to land because the cheese smell was so disgusting it caused astronaut Fred Haise to become violently ill onboard. The ship failure was just a cover story (and a damn good movie).
After billions of dollars spent, and little to show for it, NASA finally gave up. They haven’t sent a rocket to the moon in over 50 years.
So in summary: Yes, many men have walked on the moon. The first was even earlier than you thought. Some people are still up there today. You cannot stand between a German and a giant ball of stinky cheese.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
You probably own a gun, right? You probably have a few toes at least. Pull your socks off, take some pics, and get to work.